Doubtlessly inMARVINcible..

Afraid to Love Again..

Could I blame myself for choosing not to continuously grieve up on someone I can never have and pushing myself to be happy once again? I know there are other ways (lots of ways actually) to be happy but I’m probably sure that I want it this way. I always wanted to be happy, who else doesn’t, isn’t? Happy by means of loving someone and being loved back. I am certain that it is the best feeling in this world even though I still haven’t felt it yet.

Right now, I am stuck between moving on with someone I didn’t have and falling for someone who I am not sure that would even love me back. I love how it feels but what hinders me doing this is that I am afraid of loving again for I am good falling in love with people I can’t have.

But one thing I am sure of, I am happy being with this person. The moments we spent together were priceless. I love how I feel with that someone. It’s everything. For all the days we were together though it wasn’t that long yet, it feels like I was alive again. It reminds me that my heart is still beating even though it was hurt a lot, but still my heart is not sure if it can trust over again.

My friends didn’t lack ways of advising me not to pursue on this. But what else I can do? Ignore and walk away from you? Well, that’s the least thing that I can do. Apparently, I was getting to realize that we’re just friends, very good friends. I know there’s no way for us to be developed when it comes to that relationship matter but I guess, I’ll just enjoy this person’s company. Besides, if this might just ruin our friendship, I’d rather not and I’m surely I’d never let it happen. I don’t want to lose you as my friend.

Greatest Achievement so far!

It’s been a while since I have updated my blog so I opted to post my most apparent success that I’ve achieved which serves to be my most highlighting event of this year and that is — passing the Nursing Licensure Exam. Cheers!

In lieu of this, my family and I threw a thanksgiving party along with celebrating my Lola’s and brother’s birthday. It was really a handful of fun ‘coz it was participated by slew of friends and our relatives varying from ages.

After which, another party was held on that same day as Kenneth (also passed the NLE) did all the treat. We partied hard considering that we were bursting out of total happiness that night! :)

Passing the Board Exam requires a lot of perseverance and determination. I actually digged a lot of courage and all the confidence that I must possess though it really came to a point wherein I almost gave up, that I almost lose my hope of passing the boards ‘coz of the ups and downs that had happened during my review days. I must say that it was really a big rollercoaster ride.

Proving what my capabilities are is not what I meant but more of proving myself that I can stand up for myself even though things around me seems to fall down.

It’s hard to face the reality that a person closest to your heart is not meant to stay; that that someone has to come your way, touched your life the most and yet, that person will just leave you behind. In some way, I felt that I was being cared, that I was important to that someone but as the years went by, I know it never was and never will be.

Anyway, I know that there may be a lot of achievements ahead of me, but this one is my greatest achievement so far. I hope that I will succeed in the near future along with moving on with my life.

The End is the Beginning

Graduation, Commencement, whatever we call it, both signifies not a sweet ending but a way to start a new beginning. A beginning of this lifelong adventure. It is the time that we (graduates) look forward to moving on to the next stage of our lives.

From the sleepless nights spent with overlapping paper works, tons of review notes and the challenging recitations and examinations we undertook, graveyard shifts, meeting deadlines for requirements and ample of prerequisites — all of these paved our way.

Taking up this course has never been that easy, especially when in the first place, my heart isn’t there. And as we all know, a greater chance of succeeding is by loving what we are doing, isn’t? But life is about taking risks, so I took up this course even though it doesn’t really make my heart sing.

Subsequently, I still didn’t get to love Nursing. But it has made me realized that it is really all about CARING. A care that comes within our hearts. Because merely caring couldn’t bring you to the success that you’ve been aiming for. I mean, you may have performed all the care or interventions needed for the patient but at the end of the day, despite all the stress it brought, you would feel a sense of fulfillment if you really love your work.

But even so, it still doesn’t break my spirit that I’d pass the NLE this July. Not loving doesn’t mean quitting. My strong eagerness to grab my license ignites greater than a hot flaming torch and bursts more powerful and colorful than fireworks.

The end is the beginning. The end is definitely just the beginning of a never-ending journey. It could lead us nowhere or we may put up on a tragic end or a joyous one but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

Being ignored

Yes, being rejected and ignored are both definitely painful, but for me, being ignored hurts even more. I could accept rejection even though I have to suffer. At the very least, I know that I am not wanted and that I could convince myself that there is nothing more that I can do about it but move forward. At least, there is something to accept. If someone ignores you, you don’t have any answers to hold on to. You would even hope, only to hope for nothing. You will find it hard to even stand up and walk away because, somewhere, you are looking for answers. You are left confused. You would even find it hard to peacefully sleep at night. For me, it would be sad to be ignored just when you have poured down all your emotions, thinking that these emotions crafted by the heart deserve some answers, even if it has to be for the worse.

Exit Interview

As one of the prerequistes of a graduating student, Exit Interview will always be a part of it, so having a professional image, it involves not only the ideas and corporate involvements. You should also dress the part, so I opted to wear a prim and proper decorum but of course with my own style.

What I wore is a black and white-long sleeved woven polo with cut-and-sew color block body and sleeves detail paired with mustard pants. Definitely love the color blocking!

Wearing: button-down polo (Oxygen), messenger bag (Solo), patent shoes (Wade).

A day well spent

In line with the preparations for the near coming Graduation Day, my friends — Carlo and Phil have accompanied me looking for the outfit that I would be wearing for that said ceremony.

So we drove ourselves to Ayala and with the help of our leg and foot muscles, they did their very best to ramble on for we had promenaded all the contemporary buildings of Greenbelt and Glorietta and even the most outskirts of the mall.

Apart from the muscle pain due to long walk and the crazy boarding experience from different transport systems, consequently, the baggage counter where we had deposited our bags in was then closed when it was the time that we will be claiming it. So, we rushed getting into every front lobbies to ask where’d be able to find our baggage and then finally, after scouring, we got into the customer service where our baggage were sent in. Thanks God!

Anyhow, all the pain and struggle is all worth it. It’s always been that a day spent with friends is always a day well spent. :)

Me and You, Just us Two

I had you in my dreams. This is where my fantasies and unfulfilled hopes do come true. Dreams are indeed my reality. That is the only thing I have, and that is the only way I can have you.

I always wish to be with you. One thing that my heart has been continually beats for. Many times did I think of the moments we once had and also, there were times that I get to think of the moment that we could have when we’re just two.

I was hurt a million times. The pain that was all rooted with all of my unmet expectations. But still, dreaming of being with you has never left me. I just want to know what it feels like being with you, just you and me.

So today, it all came to reality without expecting that it would happen this time. Finally, I got the chance to be with that someone whom I’ve been longing for to be with. I was so happy today and undeniably, every second of it feels like heaven.

Moments like these were one-of-a-kind. It was something that money can’t pay for. And these moments are the ones that I was once wished for and is something that I’d still look forward to.

‘Me and you, just as two..’ doesn’t necessarily mean that you both own a relationship. There may not be a mutual feeling for both of them, but the fact that one is so much in love while the other makes it so special though it doesn’t really mean to him/her, every thing seems to be perfect.

GLADliest 20th

Yesterday held a special celebration of one my closest friends — Gladys. We were so GLAD ‘coz we were part of that very first day of her 20th.

We dined in at Rustica and I must say that we really had a lovely dining experience there, adding up the tons of laughter and giggling moments we had there ‘coz of the handful of ridiculous things that had brought about by each of us.

Well, Gladys is truly a blessing in every sense. She is a loving, thoughtful and a very generous friend. Often times, she gives anything that she could give without hesitation, she has always good ideas and perspectives, no doubt that she has a very well-rounded life, and mostly, she’s been always there especially when we need her most (and so do us). We may had gone a lot of trials but it didn’t break our friendship, moreover, it became stronger as we are right now.

Again, my GLADliest BIRTHDAY to you friend! WE LOVE YOU.. always and forever!! <3

Credits to: PATRICK AZARCON Photography ‘12

I Love You, Goodbye.

As I look into the mirror, I see my other self. By merely looking at it, we’d see a reflection of our physical aspects but as we look deeply into it, we’d see our soul.

My mirror used to have my share of my lonely days. It lets my hidden feelings come out of me and every time I do, all I see is pain. Pain that has never gone with its scar that still remains.

My heart is mirrored by grief and my eyes that want nothing but to cry.

I wasn’t asking for more than anything but a closure that will bring relief to all these pain. I just wanted to restore back my own happiness for it has left me.

My shadow has always been with me, so I wasn’t totally alone. But I began to ask questions, ‘til when will I walk on this pavement of grief? Is there someone for me? When will I meet someone who I can call mine? Will I ever be loved?

My home is still nowhere in sight but my head is help up high. I was a solitary man on this lonely road. I will travel alone, once more, all over again. And as I take the first steps, I’ll try hard to make these feelings fade.

I’m bidding my sweet goodbye though I still love you. I know I wasn’t meant to be a part of you but you still own a big part of me.

One chapter of my life is about to end however, a new chapter begins. I’m finding my way back though you will always abide in me. I will take all the sweet memoirs we had and let the painful episodes be forgotten.

I love you, Goodbye!